Marianne Murphy Zarzana
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The Only Safety

5/24/2011

7 Comments

 
While on our recent road trip to the Southwest, Jim and I visited Las Cruces, New Mexico. My aunt, Mary Ahern Lawbaugh, my mother's sister, had lived there long ago, and I wanted to pay my respects to her life. It was good to see the home where she had lived, to recall wonderful memories hanging out with my five siblings and my five cousins while on a trip to visit relatives in the West. 

When I came home, I pulled out a poem I wrote about Aunt Mary years ago in graduate school but had never sent out to be published. I've revised it more, and now I think it's ready to go out. 
I share it here.

The Only Safety

for my aunt, Mary Ahern Lawbaugh (1938-1971)

When you died--a shock, a mystery still--my soul cramped,
a shadow of itself. Fifteen and sick that day for no reason, I sprawled
on a yellow bed. Then the phone call. A heavy curtain dropped.
The news, incomprehensible. The whole world's face going blank.

In first grade, I clutched a rabbit puppet in my plane seat flying
from O'Hare to Omaha to see your exhibit. At the Joslyn Art Museum,
I posed for a snapshot by the pillars, your name on the sign--
woman, mother, artist--your paintings alive on the walls inside.

At twelve, the next and last time I saw you, our family visited yours
in Las Cruces. You let me pick one of your paintings, "Jungle Moths,"
bright-winged, red, azure, orange, amidst bold tropical-green leaves.
Your moths still float on our kitchen wall, your presence at every meal.

After your passing, did I allow fear to keep the poet hidden, her words
hoarded in the dark? But words, like trees, crave light. Let me believe
this to be the only safety, the truest way to honor your life, your art:
throw open the door, let words, like seeds, loose upon the land, let trees
spring up where they may to give shelter and shade, bear fruit and beauty.

-Marianne Murphy Zarzana
7 Comments
Lisa Bliven
5/25/2011 12:33:04 am

Dearest Marianne,
This is one of the most beautifully gripping works I've read. Your words so honor my mother. What a treasure you've continually, sporadically been in our lives - sharing a perspective that helps me remember the spirit that is my mother.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Reply
Amy Lawbaugh Meredith
5/25/2011 02:38:27 am

Beautiful. Thank you for sharing, remembering and loving.

Reply
Julie Zorn
5/25/2011 08:06:56 am

Marianne,
How odd. I just dreamt of Mom 2 nights ago. My life is crazy, great and awful, and I think I just needed her. Now this. I'm at work reading your words and my heart is so full but I don't want the tears to fall, just yet.
Thank you. You have touched me. Thank you. For remembering her. Thank you. For helping to keep her with us.
Julie Zorn

Reply
Dana Yost
5/26/2011 01:36:22 am

Beautiful poem, Marianne!

Reply
Marianne Zarzana
5/26/2011 05:22:47 am

Lisa, Amy and Julie,
Thank you so much for your beautiful comments. I'm grateful my words honored your mother in a way that resonated with all of you.

Reply
Eileen Murphy
5/26/2011 07:15:01 am

A mother gives birth to beautiful babe. She cannot imagine the holy gifts, fruits of mind and spirit this child will bear. Gifts that cast clear, bright light where there is darkness.

MOM

Reply
Marianne Zarzana
5/27/2011 01:28:55 am

Mom, thank you for your beautiful, affirming words.

Reply

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    I love to play with words. To capture moments on the page. To explore the physical and spiritual geography of what I call "fly-over country." I write from imagination, observation and my own experience of wandering in fly-over country--the literal, physical spaces of my life on the Minnesota prairie and the inner territory of the soul. 

    I teach writing at Southwest Minnesota State University in Marshall, Minnesota. I enjoy cooking and traveling with my husband Jim, reading, practicing yoga, playing tennis, biking, hiking and gardening.

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